"how does my pace, my busyness, my being consumed etc. drown out the whisper of God yet I am wondering when is God gonna show up?"
I have slowly come to realize that I create a lot of noise, mostly because in my soul I am becoming increasingly more uncomfortable with silence. It reminds me of the children's book, "When you give a mouse a cookie."
I am tired. So I ask for some peace and quiet.
I get time for peace and quiet.
I sit there for five minutes and it becomes too much.
I turn on the music to drown it out.
About 2 minutes into it, my email chimes in because my source of music also happens to be my mac.
I then read the email.
I respond to the email.
I then get distracted and think of another email I should have responded to earlier in the week. Oh wait, someone posted a blog post on leadership, I should read it.
Soon my peace and quiet time is over.
And I am tired. And I find myself asking for peace and quiet.
The problem isn't that there isn't enough time in the day for peace and quiet. The problem is that I don't like the discomfort that is currently found in the peace and quiet. There are still some very unsettled parts of my soul as I embark on life in the USA. There are still some sore places left from the last year. There are some trust issues that are screaming and some hurts that are gaping, and some joys that still need celebrated. And I won't bother elaborating on the anger. But I know enough to know that unless I sit in that quiet place, and turn off the noise I create, that I won't ever be able to see God in the situation and hear His words of direction in healing and reconciling.
So those quiet places aren't inviting, but they are necessary. I really must figure out how to settle into them. I need to settle into them so I am not writing a blog post at 11pm to avoid the quiet place between awake and asleep.