Tuesday, April 29, 2008

The jacket is off!

My personal thermostat is...um...in need of repair? I am blaming East Africa.

The thermostat on the wall says 73, which used to be hot in terms of room temperature in my opinion. When I lived in Indy before Tanzania Rachel and I often kept the thermostat around 68 in the winter.

However I am having a little problem these days. There isn't a day in the last two weeks that I have come to work and actually taken off my jacket. I am cold. I almost feel like I should pull out a sweater or two from the boxes and leave them in my office. I just can't go there though, I am not a librarian.

This morning Mara brought in a space heater and life is changed! My feet are toasty, the jacket is off, and I can feel my fingers!

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Gifts


I have always had a hard time receiving gifts, always feeling like I cannot say thanks enough, or that I didn't react enough or that, well just to put it bluntly I struggle with even feeling like I deserved the gift in the first place!  It is even more difficult for me when I don't know who gave the gift, cause I at least want to say thanks!

Someone left this book on my desk, with a blue sticky note that had a smiley face on it.  Whoever it was (you know who you are) I thank you.  


Friday, April 25, 2008

Somebody's Baby

Last week Stephen Claybrook, one of my new office mates, shared this song with me. I can't remember exactly what he said to me as he shared it, but it was something along the lines of knowing my heart for the poor and the homeless and he thought my heart would resonate or something...

Anyhow. I am amazed that I had only worked with Stephen for a week at that point, and he knew me this well. As this song repeats in my head I have visions of the homeless girls I met at Outreach, the women begging on the streets, the kids running through the slums and the women staying in the shelters...and truly, most of the time the fact that they were homeless somehow took their humanity from them and they all longed to be known as somebody's baby. I think it does a phenomenal job of looking into the heart, mind and life of a homeless girl and how we as a society might tend to view her, and it leaves us with the challenge of realizing that this girl, is someone's baby, she's real, she's one of us, but sadly, life took her down the road of homelessness.

The song is called Somebody's Baby by Jon Foreman. And thanks to Youtube you can watch and listen here.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Wanted

Today I watched videos of Crosspointe's recent trips to Kenya. It was not only awesome to have a better visual understanding of what Crosspointe has been doing, but it was personally awesome to hear some swahili and experience some of the culture, even if it was through video.

I did get sad though, as I realized I am quickly loosing the Swahili, which is understandable because I haven't used it, except I did get to count in staff meeting yesterday. :)

So I am looking for a Swahili speaker.

When I visited Crosspointe in February, someone mentioned their neighbor was from Tanzania! Unfortunately I don't remember who it was. So, if anyone speaks or knows someone who speaks Swahili I would love to get with them, and retrain my brain, and keep it fresh. I worked too hard to learn this language only to lose it.

Sometimes...

I wake up in Unga.

Actually I have never slept there...but there are days when I wake up there. My mind is there, my heart is there, and I am distracted as I get ready for the morning. My mind thinks upon Mary and Msuya, Diwani and mama Diwani. I think of the kiddos and I rejoice that God is at work there and I get a little sad cause I do miss my friends there.

Today is one of those days. Today my mind is in East Africa.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Legally Broke

So North Carolina hits the pocket hard when you register a vehicle, but I will not complain about the financial crunch...because it means I have valid license plates in hand. The title should show up soon.

Thanks for praying! Four trips to the DMV and it is finished. I am a resident, and I legally own a vehicle.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

I passed!

Yep. I am now licensed to drive in North Carolina!!!!

The car is still not registered, and does not have valid plates yet. It's a long story. About 3.5 hours worth of trying. Maybe tomorrow.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Life...keeps me laughing...

God awesomely provided a vehicle before I arrived in Cary. Its a bit humbling to receive such a gift, and I am practicing gratitude in a whole new way.

Last week I went to register the car so that it would have valid plates and would be in my name. The plates that are on it expired in September 2007. When I arrived at the DMV I was told I didn't have all of the paperwork. I laughed, because really, I sort of expected that response. I was also informed that I needed to get a NC drivers license. I laughed. Cause really I was sure there was no way I could pass a test at this point.

I find out that I need to have proof of residence to get a drivers license.
Proof of residence requires that I have a residence, or bill which would assume that I have a residence, and at the moment I don't, because graciously the Galloway's are letting me reside in their basement until the end of June. Again I laughed. Because really, is the DMV really ever an easy trip?

So as the week goes on I talk to people and the DMV about how I can be a resident to get the license to get valid stickers and a new title. I am told of a few ways.

Friday the key starts sticking as I try to start the car.

Saturday I was running errands with one of the middle school girls and the key stopped turning. I looked at her, laughed, and called her dad who came to the rescue. Come to think of it I don't think she laughed at all.

Sunday I am given a car to use until the registration mess can be figured out and until we can get the key situation worked out.

Today I call the DMV. Get more info about the process. Oh yeah, I also read the book again so that maybe I can pass the test on the first try. I also call a recommended locksmith.

I wait for 3.5 hour this evening for the Locksmith to arrive. He finally does, and the key is working. And yes, he did tell me I should have called at the first sign of sticking as it would have been a much easier job. He then asked what I did for a living. I told him and then I laughed when he said, that must be a neat job, you only have to work on Sundays and Wednesday right? I laughed and told him I worked 5 days a week, sometimes 6. He was honestly in shock.

It's nearing 10, and I get on the DMV website to determine where to get my license, and where to register the car, and yep, you guessed it, they are at two different locations. Actually there are several locations where you can get a license, and there are several locations where you can get a title and register your vehicle, but there isn't one location where you can do it all. Yep. I laughed.

So tomorrow, I am getting up early, going to the church (because as Murphy would have it I left all of the pertinent paperwork at the office...laugh again) and then to the first license branch where I will hopefully pass the test and get a license. Actually I am really hoping they will allow me to take the test since the whole residency thing might be an issue.

If all goes well, then I will go to another branch and register the vehicle and get a title. If all goes well. Two license branches in one day...all my dreams are coming true!

So pray.

Pray I can sign a waiver for the residency requirement.
Pray I pass the tests. Yes there are two.
Pray I get a good picture, cause really, who wants a bad license picture. (go ahead you can laugh at this one!)
Pray that I can get a new title.
Pray that I can get the vehicle registered.
Pray that the people helping me in this process of transition know how much of a blessing they are, because I don't think I could say thanks enough.

Refresh your soul

This morning I listened to this message by Erwin McManus. I found myself in agreement almost the entire way through. Honestly, I could probably listen to it again and again, because like most Americans, I have a hard time taking time to refresh my soul...my friday sabbath is an attempt to rectify this little problem I have, but I still have yet to do it well. Here's the link:

Refresh your soul

Friday, April 18, 2008

Rules of the Sabbath

I enjoy life more when I have a routine. For years I have had a routine (of sorts) but in every position I failed to include a vital element into the routine. Rest.

I used to have a routine of getting up, working out, reading, shower, head to work etc. The end of the day activities always varied, but I also strove to have "be home by" time and a "be in bed by" time. Rest, however never made its way into the routine, and thus only happened on accident, and well because it had to happen on accident it really never happened.

So I am starting a new routine. I am including rest in that routine. I am setting a stake in the ground for new territory and establishing a rhythm that includes a sabbath rest. Since I now work in a church and thus work Sundays I have friday off, and I planned months ago to set friday as a regular sabbath day.

These are the rules:
1. Take it easy.
2. Don't work. Don't even check that work email.
3. Do what I want.
4. Plan for it. (I find that if I plan an activity like a hike or morning in a coffee shop, the sabbath will actually be more likely happen.)
5. De-stress.
6. Let things go (even the bed, it doesn't have to be made.)
7. Make a valiant effort to enjoy the day, and not cram it with the to do list.
8. Do something I enjoy, something that refreshes my soul, and only these kinds of things.


The basic idea, is I won't work on that day, and will truly stop, take all of the life around me in, and be amazed by God, and get some rest for my planner, likes to be in control of all things.

I'll let you know how it goes. This could be interesting.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Last minute thoughts.

I feel like I am in an incredibly odd place.

I never imagined I would work at a church.

Then again I never imagined a church like this.

This week I have been amazed by my new co-laborers.

They are real.

They are honest.

They don't hold back.

They serve.

And they do it well together.

I was working in my toxic (recently painted) office tonight as I listened to the worship band. I think I will have to work regularly on Thursday nights. It rocked. This morning I felt under qualified as I sat in a meeting about discipleship. I learned a lot and was shocked they wanted to hear my thoughts, and counted them worthy of being heard. I feel like a college freshman in a room full of greats, and well, I look forward to learning and growing with them. I know there will be days where I get frustrated with my team, and there will be days where one of them might make me cry, but I also feel like everything here has been set in place, for me to grow, enjoy God, be stretched and stretch others.

Yes. I do have a smile on my face today, it has been plastered there the entire week. :)

Week 1

Wow. My head is spinning!

I have had a few emails and a few comments about my lack of blogging...and you will soon know why!

The first week has been awesome. About this time last week I was getting sick of being in the car, almost delerious, and wondering if I would ever get here, and thankfully I did arrive, in one piece, when really my friend could have kicked me out of the car if he wanted because I was being so obnoxious!

The first weekend I hung out with my old friends and new boss. It was a blast!

My first sunday at Crosspointe was also awesome! I already feel at home here. I have met so many wonderful people, and have been warmly welcomed!

Sunday I move into the basement of the Galloway family. They rock, that's the best way I can put it!

Monday I start my first day of work, with my favorite pastime (insert sarcasm) a meeting...but...I have to say it was one of the best staff meetings I have ever attended. I am amazed at where God has placed me. People here genuinely like each other, they enjoy hanging out with each other, and love their jobs. It's awesome.

Monday afternoon I attempted to register the car. Yep. attempted. I was given a car that was repossessed and it is an awesome gift. When to register it, change the title and make it legal, however of course I didn't have all of the legal documents and I was sent on my way. Also in the process I learned that back in September the law changed and I do have to have a North Carolina Drivers license to register a vehicle...but I need an address for that, and well, I don't have one yet. So yep. I have been driving a car illegally, fully prepared with all of my paperwork and my long story, hoping that I don't encounter a police officer!

Tuesday through Thursday, more work, and I began and finished the apartment search. Finally walked into a place today that I knew could be home, begged for the longest lease possible (13 months) and signed a piece of paper and applied. It felt good.

Tomorrow...is my friday sabbath. I am looking forward to it.

Basically, my brain is been swimming in decisions to be made, which is precisely why I haven't blogged, cause when my brain is swimming I am too ADD to write a blog post that isn't a mile long.

ALL is good here in Cary.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Words evade me...

I read this article today. I cannot begin to tell of the emotions that ran through the pit of my being. Read it yourself. I am shocked by the parents, the society, the friends and the family, who don't just "allow" this, but create an environment and a space for it.

Songs from my youth...

I was getting ready saturday morning and true to nature a song came to mind. There is always a song in my head, sometimes the one that comes forth surprises me. On saturday it was a song from the show Annie. The line that keeps repeating itself is from the scene where she shows up at the mansion and bursts into song, "I think I'm gonna like it here!"

Which is truly the spirit in my heart, except that I KNOW I'm gonna like it here! Put on the cheesy grin and glistening eyes that Annie has in the movie as she is awed by what is going on around her and there you have it...me...

I find myself noticing in little ways how God has prepared this place for me and some of them might be silly, but they bless my soul:

1. flip-flop weather. Yes I know. Silly, but I love it!
2. Warm welcomes! I am sure the Robbie Seay concert that was at Crosspointe was not a "welcome to Crosspointe" concert just for me, but it did provide an opportunity to meet more people and laugh and be silly and it was SO FUN! I feel oddly at home here, by oddly, I mean, I haven't ever lived here but I am finding that I can be me, all me, all the time and people are embracing it.
3. Farmers market. Adrianne told me about it when I was down for my interview. I really underestimated it until we arrived friday. WOW! It is HUGE! and permanent. The only Farmers Market I have ever experienced was the kind with pop-up tents that showed up in the neighborhood on fridays. This one compares to the county fair in my opinion. It will be on the to-see list when family visits! :)
4. Strangers talk to you here! I smiled when at the Farmer's market we entered into a conversation with a group of ladies buying herbs, and just laughed and enjoyed each other. This is something that you would do in the market in Tanzania, and I have to say I have missed talking to strangers (strange coming from an interovert) and I smiled as God knew I needed to end up in the South, this being one of the reasons.
5. My new co-workers are awesome! I can see we will be great friends, and that it will be fun to journey together.


There is so much more, but today is my first day of work, and I should probably get in the shower and get moving. And yes, you can probably assume Annie will be sung in the shower this morning!

More to come!

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Randomness...

I was talking to my grandma this morning while I was flat-ironing the hair.

She made a comment, that caught me by surprise, "Pamela, you have a lot of gray hair!"

"yes I do grandma, yes I do, I guess I take after you!"

We had a good laugh. It has been awesome to stay with grandma that last couple of months. She is such an incredible lady, and I consider it a gift to consider my grandma a friend, even when she tells me I have more gray than I am willing to admit.

Moving Day!

I wonder how many posts I have with this title! HA!

Today is the big day. My bags and trunks are packed, I just printed off directions, have packed a cooler, and have made all preparations I could think of for the 10.5 hour road trip to Cary, NC. (after all I am a planner!) Now I just need my ride to get here...

I cannot tell you how excited I am to get there!

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Just one of those days...

Today started in tears.

I shouldn't commit to 7:30 AM meetings, or maybe I should. This morning I wept as I shared some feelings and experiences of the last six months. To put it bluntly, I hate crying, especially in public, but I have learned to do it, and well today a slew of folks got to see a rather humbled girl at the corner of 49th and penn at Hubbard and Craven's coffee company.

I cried in the car this afternoon as I drove away from Eric and Lisa's house, after saying goodbye to them again.

Today also ended it tears as I went to my Common Ground House Church for the last time for who knows how long. I wept inside as people shared stories of how God changed their lives, I love how God can make all things beautiful...I then wiped the tears off of my face as we prayed and were honest with God about how we are, who we are and Who He is. It is odd how I have only been among this group 2 times in the last two years, but yet I still feel a part of it and welcome there.

Tears aren't bad. They are actually good for the soul, but I really don't like starting my day and ending it with them.

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

I was skeptical...

But after a warm gluten free brownie straight out of the oven, I must say I can have my brownies and a happy stomach too!

Lisa told me about the mix, and well it hardly seemed right that you could get tasty mouth watering brownies without using flour, but apparently you can, and Trader Joe's knows how to mix it.

And people thought I would shed extra pounds by not eating bread and pasta...HA!

Monday, April 07, 2008

Moving!

2 more days.  

Yowsers.

2 more days and  I am moving to North Carolina.

Oddly, it just sunk in tonight as I said goodbye to dear friends that this time I won't be back in a few days.  I think I have gotten so used to packing bags and boarding planes it seemed normal to pack them again.

I am moving.  And  I will admit, there are some good friends I have enjoyed hanging with the last few months, but I am excited about investing my heart somewhere again.  I am excited about investing in lives and leading and challenging and loving people where they are.  I am excited to live somewhere and be a part of something every day. I am excited to place roots, and have "home" and even think about living somewhere for countless years to come. It has been a long 4 months, yet time flew by so quickly.

I am leaving home again.  It is sad.  But I am also going home, and that is exciting.

And on a side note, to those faithful bloggers who know me well.  I got to wear a skirt and flip flops the last two days, and it was gleeful.  absolutely spectacular.  Loving the sunshine in the midwest!



Sunday, April 06, 2008

Wide Awake

I have often said, "I never have a hard time sleeping."  

And I thought I was telling the truth.  Because usually I don't.  In college I would stay up way too late at night worrying about ridiculous stuff.  The last few years however, I realized that worrying never really helped, and sleep did, so I would give myself a pep talk and go to bed without a problem.

I am unable to pep-talk myself to sleep lately.

My brain is going 1,000 miles a minute and won't shut off.

The random thoughts going through my head:
  • Wonder what life is like in Haiti.
  • Wonder how Shane and Kara and their kiddos are in Kenya.
  • Will I really be able to do what I am going to Crosspointe to do?
  • What if, what if I fail miserably.
  • What clothes do I want to wear the next week?  (this would help in the packing that is taking place)
  • Man, I am hungry, I am sure I have eaten enough today but some ice cream really sounds good right now.
  • Wonder how Nadine is doing in Tanzania?  And Anna in Hawaii.  And Hannah in Wales.  And Tanya in South Africa.  Odd that a year ago we were all in church together in Arusha.
  • Will all of my stuff fit in a Honda Pilot?  I sure hope Jeremy's middle seat folds down.
  • Should I take some melatonin?
  • Worship this morning was awesome.  It was nice to not feel so out of place.
  • I am ready to work.  I hope it is a smooth transition.
  • Wonder if I should get a storage unit for the next couple of months.
  • Sleepy.  You are getting very sleepy.  (said with an inner voice similar to that of a hypnotist.)
  • Is it warm enough to pack away all those sweaters?
  • I wish I could fall asleep.  It would be nice for my eyes not to be burning tomorrow.
  • What books might I read in the next 3 months?
  • What color couch might I try to find?
  • I can't wait to spend time with the folks at Durham Rescue Mission.  How awesome it will be to build relationships with the homeless.  Can't wait to love on them.
  • I can't wait to get to Cary.
  • It's a bummer mom won't be back until after I leave.
  • My cousin is getting married in June in NC.  Sweet!  I get to see extended family!  Wouldn't it be awesome if Dad and Kay could somehow see where I will be living and working when they fly up for the wedding!
  • Thanksgiving.  My bro and sis and nephew are coming!  I am so excited.
  • Being an aunt is going to be awesome.  Can't wait to teach him what a camel says.
  • Christmas.  Going to Texas.  Sweet times with the bro and sis and nephew again.
  • Wonder when I can get there in 2009? (Texas)
  • Do I have wooden spoons in my containers?
  • Wonder if  I packed my measuring cups.
  • Wonder what snacks to pack for the road trip on Thursday.
  • It's morning in Kenya.  Wonder how life is there.
  • Wonder how my old team in Tanzania is doing.
  • How is Unga?  Is ministry going strong?
  • Quickbooks.  now is the time to buy it and get it on the computer and start using it.
  • Taxes.  Next years will be more difficult.
  • Organized.  Must.  Get. Organized.
  • Do I need a TV?  I think I want to intentionally not have one in my apartment.  People will think I am nuts.
  • Telephone.  Should I change my cell phone to a NC number?  Will verizon make me sign a new contract.
  • PO Box.  Should probably get one.
  • YIKES!  Need to forward my mail from CMF to Mom's so she can forward it to that PO Box that I think I might need to get.
  • Didn't talk to Dad this weekend.  Hope he is doing well.
  • Man I am frustrated the capri's I wore just four months ago in Tanzania didn't fit this morning.  Too many pot-lucks and meals out.  Must be better to my body.
  • It was awesome to wear a skirt and flip-flops today.  Wonder if I can again tomorrow.
It goes on and on, and yes, it repeats like a broken record.  

Off to try and sleep again.  

Transition...again...

I am almost there.

Almost home.

Almost settled. 3-4 more months to go.  I will survive.  I am sure of it.

But as I yet again pulled out the action packers and suitcases this afternoon, my heart sunk a little bit.  Packing.  Again.  Ugh. This would be the 7th time I have packed everything I own in 3 years.  And although it is a huge blessing to be able to stay with a family in the area for a while, I am having a hard time packing when I know I will be doing it again in 3-4 months.  

Although I am thrilled about where I am headed, I would like to utter the words, "Beam me up Scottie!" and be there, with my stuff and it sorted and organized and all in order.  And if Scottie would have me sitting on my couch sipping some blueberry tea I would be quite content.

A few things I have noticed in my packing:
1.  I have a few colors that I wear.  blue, green, and brown, and of course the occasional black.  My step-mom will laugh at this because she has been telling me to branch out for years, to which I responded, "I have, I now wear green and blue too!"

2.  I managed to accumulate quite a bit in the last 4 months.  Mind you there was Christmas, and my 30th, and well, I still had some stuff in mom's attic from before I left.  Also my old roomie Rachel saved some of the stuff I had given her that she isn't using and returned it to me today.  But oddly, I feel like I have too much.  

3.  I am getting lazier in my packing.  I used to roll the clothes (Because you really can fit more in a suitcase if you roll each item, trust me, I have had loads of practice!) but now I find myself sticking it in by the pile, cramming things in corners, fully aware that if I rolled I would be better off, but I just wanted it finished.

4.  I like shoes.  I never claimed to be a shoe lover, but apparently I am. :) 

5.  I am always behind on filing important paperwork.  Yes, it is true.  I just now put my Verizon bill from December in the file that I created for such documents.  Moving does have its benefits, the old bill would probably still be on my desk next month were it not for packing today.

  



Friday, April 04, 2008

Crosspointe

It's official.  It's been announced to staff, and to the people who receive their email newsletter.  And those of you who have emailed and commented wanting to know the gritty details of what was next, thanks for being patient...

Here's a clip from the email announcement:

A new pastor is joining us on  staff, Pam McKerring. For the past year we’ve realized that we need to be very  intentional and build effective strategies that easily connect the people in  our church community with our mission focuses and partnerships. Whether that  be with the Durham Rescue Mission, tackling homelessness in Raleigh, or with  our orphans in Kenya or Haiti—we’ve done a good job ofas  inspiring people to go and get  involved, but it hasn’t been easy for people to actually do it. Enter Pam.  Some of you may remember her from her mission work in Tanzania, Africa over the last two years as we’ve shared with the  Crosspointe community. Additionally, she’s had years of experience in the  states working in the inner city. Pam has a huge heart to walk alongside and  love people and equip others to do the same. So, needless to say, we are all  extremely excited that Pam has agreed to join our staff. Even though finances  have been tight in recent months, after much prayer we are very confident that  this is what God is up to, and we are convinced that this is a critical need  in our community that cannot be ignored in order to support all the momentum  God has already been building with missions among our church. Pam will be  arriving the weekend of April 13th. Please take time to welcome her  into our church community. 

Words cannot express the excitement I have about this journey.  I am thrilled, no ecstatic...or maybe it is giddy...in shock..and awe..well just flat out...filled with great anticipation and excitement over this role and position.  Feel free to check out Crosspointe on the web, or read Jonathan's blog to get to know my old friend and new boss a bit better.  And of course, keep praying, cause I am moving again...but this time I anticipate putting down some roots. Oh, this is so exciting!

And can I just say, I am impressed by southern hospitality already.  The email went out today, (I get it now too!) and I have hordes of welcome emails from people in the church, and loads of offers for a place to crash in the transition phase.  Wow.  I am really looking forward to this.


Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Sometimes...

Blogs are good for spreading mass announcements to family and friends.

In an effort to spend differently, and save differently, I removed the text messaging option from my cell phone plan.

Starting April 8 you will just have to call me instead.

12:15 AM

The last several weeks have gotten me into a bind. Being in so many time zones in so few weeks has left me without a bed time.

I find that my body doesn't know when to go to bed and when to get up. So it is 12:15 AM and I am blogging, not resting my head on my new pillow. Because if I put my head on that pillow, my eyes wouldn't close and I wouldn't fall asleep. I would lay awake and stare at the ceiling. So I have been going to bed around 1, and getting up around 9, and sometimes being showered and dressed by 11.

This might be a problem in a few weeks as I start my new job here. I assume I will need to be at work at a decent, more proper hour.

Better try to go to bed. :)

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Pieces of my mind.

I got an email today. And I won't put the email here, but in the end I was asked how I was doing at re-engaging in America.

A few of my words:

"Numb. That is a good way to describe it..."

"I crave time with other missionaries just to be around other people who might have felt this void in my heart, where I am in a love-hate relationship with the place I was and the place I am in, both at the same time..."

"I find myself wanting to isolate myself, because to be honest, my heart is bitter, and calloused, and the last thing I want to talk about is Tanzania...and well that is the main thing everyone wants to hear about..."

" I know it is unhealthy so I try to get out, hook up with friends, but then when I do I am faced with Africa, the last two years, and trying to explain it to a group of people who haven’t a clue...and so the cycle continues..."

"I have found that my current method of re-engagement has been to just do it. I don’t know how to behave when a group of people are together for a party, but I go anyhow. I feel like a wall-flower, and sit on the edge, mostly observing, because lets face it, I spent the last two years learning a culture in order to fit in, I find myself trying to do the same here, but it also makes me afraid of what if in trying to embrace this culture, I lose myself and lose what I learned in Tanzania I don’t know how to interact at church, but I go anyhow, I cry during worship because it doesn’t seem right, genuine, or how Jesus intended it to be. I don’t know how to do most things, but I try and mess up and laugh at myself and yes, at the end of the day some days I cry..."

What is interesting to me is that I didn't realize I had felt a lot of this until I sat down to respond to her email. I have been busy trying to restart life and the busyness has allowed a place to forget about the uneasiness of living life in America again. Really, don't get me wrong, I LOVE being home. But I also loved the home I had the last two years.

I love all that I have learned, and I love who I became in Tanzania. I felt like I became more of who I was created to be while I was there. I grew. I learned. I was stretched. I can't remember a time in my life where I felt like I knew myself better. I am just now trying to figure out how to put myself back in this society. It is also fun. I am still growing. I am still learning. I am still being stretched.


I bought a pillow...and pillowcases!

Part of moving home, is establishing home, and well I pretty much don't own a thing...well I own a few things, enough to fit into about 7 or 8 action packers. At the moment I don't really remember what is in them, they were packed 2 months ago, but I know there are books, old journals, some clothes, pictures, scrapbook stuff, some wooden spoons, measuring cups, my mixing bowl (I think) and of course some Africa stuff...

So I eventually, in a few months will have to furnish an apt (praise God for Craigslist.) And today a friend told me about freecycle and although I haven't had too much of a chance to dive into it, I imagine I will stop by several times over the next couple of months.

Today I took my first step. I bought a pillow, and a pair of pillow cases, and although you may think this is small, it was a very big step, I made a decision, on a home item, without it taking weeks. It only took 1 day, and four stores, 2 this morning, and 2 with a friend this evening.

I have spent nearly every night of the last several weeks looking at vehicles and apartments online, and have some ideas, but those kinds of decisions elude me at the moment. Car buying is stressful, trying to stay in the budget, but get reliable without a payment is difficult, not impossible, but quite difficult, because you really never can tell when you are looking at a used vehicle whether or not it is reliable. And honestly, large purchases cause me great anxiety.

Have I mentioned that I have never in my life even purchased a TV? Seriously folks, I will need some shopping help when I move to NC! Applications from anyone who has the patience to stand beside an indecisive girl who has a hard time spending cash will be taken soon!

Thankfully I will have a place to stay in North Carolina for a bit so I can have a better lay of the land to know where I want to move my 7 or 8 trunks and pillow. God is good to me, He knows just how much I can handle!