Monday, February 12, 2007

A strange phenomenon...

Ever have days when you realize that you really don't get something that you thought you had a pretty good handle on? A few weeks ago, I picked up a book a friend sent for Christmas (thatnks Derek) and it is challenging me quite a bit. It is a book about Grace, and it seems, that why I am so quick to forgive others, I am much less forgiving of myself, I am hard on myself and I don't accept forgiveness easily, i am always wanting to make up for what I have done to wrong someone...

This lead me to the conclusion, that I am this way with God too. It is because I am forgiven that I am inclined to forgive others, and do so, but I am often feeling like I need to do something for his forgiveness, even though I know the verses and like the back of my hand that say he has forgiven us, not by our works, but by his grace, like they have been imprinted on the back of my hand...i don't live it really... it seems like when I think I am getting good at accepting grace, I find myself back in my old routine of earning or trying to earn again. Thankfully there is grace. As I hear God say to me..."Good morning Pam, remember today, you will mess up, you will sin, you will judge others, you will become frustrated and act out of your frustration...but my Grace, it is sufficient, and it is already given to you, so don't go and set about doing things to earn my approval or make me happy, I am already pleased by just being with you."

Hmmm. a bit puzzling isn't it. Grace. I wonder if I will ever get it. It really is a phenomenon to me.

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