Saturday, February 25, 2006

24 days and counting?

It just dawned on me, that in my head, I had myself thinking I had another week before I left. in 24 days, my life is going to change drastically! Everything I do will be different. The language I speak, the sounds I hear, the way I shop for groceries, my job, my housing, my life in its entirety, is going to change. I am excited, however that feeling wavers back and forth from a joyful excitement to an overhelmed and fearful excitement. I am not looking forward to not being able to talk to the people in the grocery store. I do not look forward to having to work so hard to get anything done...and I was frustrated in Walmart this week because people were taking so long and kept getting in my way...I find myself laughing inside, as I know that it some weird way, the walmart experience was not even a glimpse of the frustration I will experience in the future. I have moved before, many times, but experienced nothing like this. I must be crazy.

In all seriousness, each day, it dawns on me more and more the gravity of the changes that are about to take place, and each day I thank the Lord that He has promised to be there with me each day of the next four years and beyond. I am thankful that I do not have to rely on myself. As I fear, I remember His many promises, and I stand encouraged.

To most of the people in my world, I realized that I must have the deer in the headlights look, cause that is how I feel these days. Enough ranting...Jesus...calm this heart, refresh this spirit...be my vision.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Four more weeks!

It is hard to imagine. It is difficult to fathom. It is surreal. 5 weeks from today, I will board a plane, and 23 hours later, land at Kilimanjaro International Airport. My dream, my passion, my calling is becoming a reality. Wow doesn't seem to cut it.

Many have asked many questions. Aren't you scared? To be honest, a little bit yes. Aren't you going to miss your family? Of course! What do you think you will miss most? I haven't figured out the answer to that one yet. I am trying hard just to stay focused! But as I start missing things, I will be sure to put them on my wish list, which can be found in the Profile page of this blog!

In January my focus was on training. The first week of February was spent packing (I need to pack ahead of time to request extra baggage!) (and I am a planner :)) Last week my focus was on visiting family and friends in Florida and North Carolina. This week, my focus has shifted a bit...on my health. I am sick, it has been a while since I have been sick, and I am finding it quite annoying! But, being sick, is teaching me an important lesson, to rest, to plan to take care of myself and to also pay attention to my spiritual health as well. I sometimes feel I have so much to learn!

Five weeks from today, a long time dream comes true. What a gift. Thanks for making it a reality.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

My eyes are burning...

I am not sure if it is because of a lack of sleep, or because of the many tears I have shed today. Lack of sleep is adding up, as we are all trying to cram as much fun into each evening before we head for our various locations in the world! It amazes me how quickly the relationships have formed, but at the same time, we are in a room full of people who are experiencing the same joys, fears, excitement, and endless emotions that come with the stage of life we are at.

The tears...it seems like I have been learning to cry quite a bit in the last few months. I have learned that a good cry can be a good thing. I always hid my tears, my hurts, my grief, and well today, our morning was spent talking about grief, entering into it, allowing God to use it, and at the same time, walking through the process of healing, instead of doing what I have done for nearly 28 years and pushing it down into the pit of our stomach and putting on a mask so everyone believed I was ok. Today, I let myself be real and feel, in front of others. It is amazing what tears one can produce when they think about leaving family, friends, church, our comfort, being able to speak the language...the list goes on. My eyes are still burning. The computer isn't helping...

Since the eyes are burning, I am signing off.